15Jun26 Bad Job Bingo

I know, I know, this is yet another AI company, but this one has robots! And okay, their Careers page is kind of hokey, but hokey is a significant step up from some of the jobs I've rated today. It's robots, y'all. Let me have this.

At Standard Bots, we're revolutionizing real-world automation by making robotic systems accessible to everyone. — I expect my $0.05 paid promptly via cashier's check.

Provide technical support to customers via phone, email, video calls, and ticketing systems — diagnosing and resolving issues with Standard Bots robots — Would I get my own personal robot for testing? It's not a dealbreaker, but. I'd like a robot.

Guide customers through troubleshooting processes, configuration adjustments, and best practices for robot deployment and operation — I'm just saying, I'd figure out all the best practices if I had a robot.

Create and maintain knowledge base articles, FAQs, and troubleshooting guides to improve customer self-service — You know the best way to write and maintain excellent KBs? Through hands-on experience with the product.

Please can I have a robot.

Organized and able to manage multiple open support tickets simultaneously without dropping the ball — I could teach the robot to play ball with me!

The salary range for this role is $80,000 to $120,000, depending on experience. We are open to a variety of seniority levels for this role and will build compensation packages that are commensurate with seniority and skill level. — I'm putting this in Eh, It's Probably Fine because I really like this bit, not because I want to get on your company's good side or anything.

(But you should definitely send me a robot.)

Full disclosure: I'm a happy Supabase customer, so I'm hoping they're okay. Fingers crossed!

We're on a mission to build the best developer platform — This is a nicely grounded mission, but still lofty enough to attract the Tech type. Supabase may keep their nickel.

280+ team members — in 55+ countries, 20+ languages spoken, $500M raised, 540,000+ community members, 30,000+ memes posted (and counting) — The format and content of this graphic makes me think that a lot of companies are using the same AI website generator, lol. But seriously, I appreciate that this one is at least a little tongue-in-cheek, as if Supabase knows these kinds of stats are at most decorative.

We work together, wherever we are - Working in a globally distributed team is rewarding but has its challenges. We are across many different timezones, so we use tools like Notion, Slack, and Discord to stay connected to our team, and our community. — I'm not trying to pit companies against each other, but this is a lovely palate-cleanser after Mistral's "Our diverse workforce thrives in competitive environments."

Their values/traits are pretty run-of-the-mill, which I can live with.

Great people deserve great benefits — I mean, shitty people deserve great benefits too, Supabase. Also, annual off-sites and flexible work are not benefits!!!!11111!111!!!!11!1! (Also, it's weird that "Fully Remote" and "Flexible Work" are both in this section.)

The duties are appropriate, as are the experience requirements. The thing that super bums me out is that there's no salary, which means this perfectly normal job has to go into Tread Carefully. Womp womp.

Ho ho ho, I already know this one is going to piss me off. Why, you ask?

Let's start here:

Commit to Candor - We believe honesty drives progress. At Findigs, giving and receiving direct, timely feedback is a shared responsibility because clarity is kindness, and silence stalls growth. We speak up in the moment, assume good intent, and prioritize truth over comfort to help each other and our work succeed. — Why is it that companies always think describing their cultures in these terms is a positive? What is wrong with your culture that "truth over comfort" is a choice your employees have to make so regularly that it's a part of your values statement? This isn't cute or flattering! This is a problem!

We treat our people
like people — Okay...and? So? But? Therefore? Do you want a trophy?

NY HQ & remote positions - You’ll find great people, good dogs, and free lunch in our NoHo office. Not in NY? We’ve got remote-friendly roles, too. — This is like 3 red flags in one sentence.

The rest of their Careers page is fine, but I'm currently so annoyed that I say that only begrudgingly. On to the JD, I guess.

Renting is one of life’s most critical experiences, yet the process is often slow, opaque, and unfair. — And replacing human thought and empathy with a compassion- and judgmentless AI is definitely going to fix that!

We’re growing fast – fueled by $78M in funding from the investors behind companies like Affirm, Gusto, and Uber. — I personally wouldn't want to associate my AI renter screening product that I claim is fair and balanced with companies known for exploiting their customers and/or their gig workers, but go off I guess.

we’re not just improving the rental process; we’re setting the new standard for the entire industry. — Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.

What we offer: Location: We operate on a hybrid schedule (3-4x times in-office per week), with in-office days at our newly renovated NoHo office. — In the office 4 times a week is not a hybrid role, and 3 times a week is pushing it.

Mission-Driven Culture: A collaborative, high-impact workplace where we challenge each other to grow, innovate, and drive meaningful change. — As always, the fact that these two things come before any actual benefits is very telling.

Listen, I am highly irritated by how this company frames itself and its product, but the job itself seems straightforward and the pay is decentish for an early-career role in NYC, so I don't think I can justify a BINGO to you or myself. I'll reluctantly put this in Tread Carefully.

TensorWave has no real Careers page to speak of, but it does have a very basic About Us page.

We empower the next wave of AI - Building seamless, secure, reliable, and resilient AI infrastructure at scale, eliminating barriers and challenging the status quo to empower builders and support AI innovation. — I am so tired of AI word soup. So tired. So bored.

You guys, out of their 15-person leadership team, there were four whole women! That's basically a minyan for Tech.

Build the Future of AI Infrastructure — Another nickel towards my fortune!

Because breakthrough AI should move at the speed of ideas, not infrastructure. — NO IT REALLY SHOULDN'T

You know that TikTok meme, the one where someone is doing something innocuous and the saxophone just keeps getting louder? That is basically my entire career doing Bad Job Bingo on AI jobs.

Lead quarterly business reviews and strategic planning sessions with customer Engineering stakeholders — There it is, an almost too on the nose metaphor for our field in Tech: Engineering is capitalized in a title but customer isn't.

In fact, literally every other team name that appears in this JD (Sales, Product, etc.) is capitalized, but no variation of a customer team is ever capitalized. Amazing, no notes.

I don't know why this is billed as a Head of CX, when every duty in this JD seems to relate to Success or Revenue Ops.

Exceptional executive presence with ability to engage and influence C-level and VP-level engineering/technical stakeholders — THEN WHY ISN'T THIS A C-LEVEL OR VP ROLE???

What We Offer — Spoiler alert: it's not salary transparency! (Also, they can incorrectly capitalize literally every word in the What We Offer section but not Customer Success? Cool!)

I'm not feeling particularly benevolent today; I'm calling this a BINGO.

On the Careers page:

We are scaling one of the most ambitious independent AI platforms globally. We build cutting-edge, open-source AI models, products, and solutions that push the boundaries of innovation, empowering organizations to tackle the world’s most complex challenges. — Listen, I get that this is mostly just me, but: I don't want to support an AI tool that's cutting-edge and pushing the boundaries of innovation. Have you guys ever had to explain to customers why your product deleted their entire codebase or leaked all their sensitive customer data or facilitated a murder-suicide? No? Would you like to continue not having to do that? If the answer to that question is yes, then maybe don't pick this product.

900+ employees — 30+ different nationalities — 50% female leaders — Not that I don't appreciate this transparency (or the thought behind it, especially from an AI company), but 50% of leadership of which teams? At what level? This doesn't actually tell us anything useful about the company or culture, which means it's a vanity metric, which means it's essentially useless.

AI is a technical and societal paradigm shift. We imagine brand new approaches in business, product and science and aim for the stars. — Y'all. I don't want audacity in my AI. I just don't.

Rigor - We take an analytical and data-driven approach to decision-making. — Again, you're an AI company, so I would hope so. (Sorry. It may be that I'm too cynical for AI companies anymore.)

Speed - We experiment, iterate and ship fast. When we make mistakes, we strive to detect them early. — You strive to detect mistakes early? In an AI product? Sounds like a whole lotta hope in your plan there.

Low ego - We’re all collectively responsible for the company's success. We get our hands dirty as needed, wherever needed in the organization. — But you're not collectively rewarded or held accountable, are you? Like, what are we doing here, Mistral?

I will say that the benefits look great, which I guess they better be when you've got that AI money.

We are intentional about how we build our team. We look for people with authenticity who are willing to roll up their sleeves, embrace discomfort, and turn ideas into outcomes that can scale. — You had me until "embrace discomfort." Why would employees need to embrace discomfort in the workplace? Gee, I wonder how they're going to explain the context behind this.

Directness and authenticity. - We look for people who care more about content than tone, and who are structured and to the point in their communication. We separate ideas from individuals and value the ability to share and receive honest feedback, even when it’s critical. — Mm. Mhmm. Could be fine, could be...not fine. It comes down to you and what you're cool with and whether you think you can trust the people behind this cultural choice.

They do a good job of describing their interview process for technical and non-technical roles, which I appreciate.

That was their Careers page, which makes me feel very...let's say alert regarding this company. On to the JD!

Our diverse workforce thrives in competitive environments — Woof.

We are creative, low-ego and team-spirited. — I'm not sure they know what team-spirited means.

This is a unique opportunity to be part of a growing team where you can take ownership and truly make an impact. — I swear to god I've read this exact sentence one billionty times.

Several of the "Who you are" requirement sentences are misformatted so they run into each other, and the only saving grace is that there's no 'attention to detail' requirement.

I should note that this isn't a U.S.-based company. However, as far as I can tell, none of Mistral's jobs have salary transparency, and given this and other roles are being advertised in states like California and New York, they are breaking U.S. law, which doesn't exactly inspire confidence.

I'm calling a BINGO on this one.

Join us in disrupting real estate insurance! — Do I have to?

Our unique strength lies in our team, united by a big-picture goal that we all support - we win together.

Also, oh my god the music in their offsite highlight reel. The sweeping camera work. The editing. You're not scoring the winning goal against the USSR, it's not the Miracle on Ice, it's a conference at a fucking Marriott. Can we bring it down a notch, Honeycomb?

(Again, I'm sure everyone had a great time! But this is exhausting. You're exhausting your candidates before they even get to the job description! You're doing too much!)

Okay, so there's a link to their Glassdoor reviews, which is nice, but...I'll be honest with you, I don't really trust what's there for this company. For starters, there aren't that many (seems like a young company), and the good reviews are very brief. It feels...orchestrated, but that could definitely just be my cynicism. The bad reviews, although few, are more detailed, which makes them somewhat more credible to me, but this is one of those things where your mileage may definitely vary.

At Honeycomb, we're not just building technology; we’re reshaping the future of insurance. — Oh look! A shiny new nickel!

But this isn't just a support role — What's wrong with it being just a Support role?

Our CS team sits at the center of everything at Honeycomb, and the people in these seats today have a real opportunity to shape how we work, influence the processes we put in place, and leave a lasting mark on a company that has built a strong foundation and is now accelerating. — Oh, I bet the salary reflects that impact! Right? RIGHT?

Base Salary: $55,000 — Yeah, that checks out.

Other bits that led to a solid BINGO: fast-paced environment, need to multitask and de-escalate, and office meals, team events, and an in-office gym memberships presented as benefits.

Endra is yet another AI company, this time for MEP Engineering.

Endra's website is frankly unsettling; when you open the home page, you land in the dark empty corridor of an office building (and when I say dark, I mean the floor, the walls, the chairs are all black) and then as you scroll down you pan out of the corridor, out of the office building model, and behind two people staring expressionlessly and motionlessly at a computer screen. Like, they set that dystopian tone early.

Then we move into a promotional video (for a product that doesn't even seem to be out yet?) that is higher production quality than some blockbuster films.

I know this has nothing to do with BJB and jobs, but can I just say this: AI companies have too much fucking money. People are sleeping in their cars and kids are starving without access to school lunches here in the richest fucking country on Earth and yet AI companies are out here paying for fucking Netflix documentaries about products that may not even fucking exist and AI COMPANIES HAVE TOO MUCH FUCKING MONEY.

Anyway. Bad Job Bingo.

How we think and work: Top tier, only - A-players enjoy working with other A-players. — Does the A stand for asshole?

You aren’t just "support" — Again with this fundamental disrespect for the function.

you are a product expert, a teacher, and a critical feedback loop for our engineering team. — THOSE ARE ALL THINGS THAT DESCRIBE SUPPORT.

You thrive in high-velocity environments and enjoy working alongside other top-tier talent. — It's fitting that this is AI for mechanical, electrical, and plumbing engineering because this company comes across like a whole drawer full of tools.

I have no problem justifying this rating: Seriously, Maybe Don't.

Hey, so -- remember that saxophone I mentioned earlier? Its volume is increasing.

Lassie is just one big neon DANGER sign flickering ominously. It's AI payment software for doctors’ offices, and there is a very brief website that says things like, "We can share security details during the demo" in response to minor questions like "Is Lassie secure?"

We’re pushing the boundary on autonomous systems — STOP IT. LEAVE THE BOUNDARY ALONE.

It also happens to have the dubious honor of being the shortest JD I've ever rated. It is so short, in fact, that I can post the whole thing here:

Our mission is to help small businesses run themselves. We’re starting with doctors’ offices, building autonomous systems that handle busywork and complete the workflows that keep the office moving every day. Our team is small, flat, and ambitious. — Their team is flat. Probably not like a pancake, which is what I imagined when I read that. More like flat as in "the energy we put into writing this job listing."

We value craft, intellectual rigor, and direct communication. — Boy, it sure is getting loud in here.

About the role - Customer Operations helps doctors' offices get live with Lassie and see value quickly. In implementation, you’ll own the path from kickoff to working product: understanding the office, coordinating setup, solving exceptions, and making the first workflows feel excellent. — I'm guessing you have to make the first workflows feel excellent because there's not much going on beyond that.

What you'll do: Own implementations from kickoff to live workflows, making sure each office gets set up cleanly and sees value quickly. Coordinate system access, workflow setup, customer communication, and the operational details required to launch. Spot patterns in customer issues and turn them into better processes, product improvements, and internal tools. — Love that everything revolves around launch. Not suspicious at all!

Joining us - To start, you'll have a handful of conversations with our team and founders. If there is mutual excitement, we'll invite you to the office where you'll work on a small project and meet the team. — Because mutual excitement is famously fair and measurable! Really demonstrates that intellectual rigor they've got going on.

Anyway! That's it. That's the whole thi- oh, wait, sorry, gotta speak up over that music: THAT'S THE WHOLE THING. MAYBE WE SHOULD PASS ON THIS AND GET SOME EARPLUGS, HUH?