09Mar26 Bad Job Bingo

Recurly's Careers page is at least inoffensive, if shallow. They list unexplained Values phrases followed by this, which again isn't objectionable so much as not terribly informative about their culture:

I do like their focus on actually pitching themselves to candidates as a good place to work—that's refreshing, especially after the stinkers in BINGO and Seriously, Maybe Don't.

As the Operations Manager, Global Support, you will help evolve Recurly’s Support organization into an AI-enabled, insight-driven operation while ensuring merchants receive a consistently excellent and technically accurate support experience. Your primary focus will be supporting the redesign and execution of the Tier 1 support model and helping modernize how Support scales across Recurly’s growing product suite. — This introduction to the role is thoughtful, specific, and concise. Excellent.

Really like the "Why This Role Matters" section. It gives a clear window into what the role will need to accomplish, even before getting to the job duties, which adds helpful context that candidates can use to determine whether the role would be a good fit for their career goals and experience.

Compensation range: $128,000 to $135,000 — And the salary and benefits are great. I think we've got a Green Means Go!

My opinions about the gig economy aside (which are mixed—I see the benefits and the considerable downsides), DoorDash's Careers page hero is very, very red and legit hurts my eyes.

At DoorDash, we’re delivering innovative solutions that help local businesses thrive, Dashers earn, and consumers get what they need. When you join our team, you join our mission to grow and empower 
local economies. It’s not just about logistics, it’s the livelihood of neighborhoods. It’s not just to keep up in today’s world, but to pave the way ahead. — This isn't about my opinion of gig work. This isn't about my opinion of gig work. This isn't about my opinion of gig work.

Their job search page is, quite honestly, terrible. The search filters are cream text on a bright red background, and I now have a migraine from using it. This color scheme repeats on job pages, and I am genuinely miserable. Although I did manage to find (and will be linking to) a more tolerable version of the JD, this is going to have to be the last job I rate.

I need to wrap this up quickly, but horrible design and accessibility choices aside, the role looks straightforward, even if I think the low range of the salary is a little too low (I'd ask about that when I'm interviewing). I think it's probably a decent Eh, It's Probably Fine.

We only hire builders — Automatic BINGO! Damn, I don't think that's ever happened so fast. (It's the first thing you see on Ramp's Careers page).

Come here to solve hard problems, build without permission, and ship work you’re proud of. Sounds intense? It is. — Oh yeah. Feeling good about that BINGO.

Work on hard problems with hardcore people. Our two founders, Eric and Karim, thought it’d be a good idea to write a letter persuading you not to apply. — Jesus Christ, it's like they built this page just to hit every BJB entry as quickly as possible.

We’re a proud meritocracy. Titles and roles are the least interesting thing about Ramp employees. And last but not least: Pizza Fridays are tradition. Dinner is every night of the week. — Every. single. entry.

See open positions — Do I have to? Okay, fine.

Keeping to the theme, the "About the Role" is just one long, gnarly red flag, but the job duties actually seem pretty straightforward.

What You Need - Ability to work evenings, weekends, and some holidays — I really need the job market to recover even a little so that companies have to stop being so fucking terrible.

For candidates located in NYC or SF, the pay range for this role is $96,000 - $132,000. For candidates located in all other locations, the pay range for this role is $88,000 - $121,000. — That's not nearly enough money to endure what seems to be a ramp launching you straight into Burnout Land.

Note: Ramp is also hiring for Customer Experience Agents, but I don't want to read about this company anymore.

This one was reader-submitted! (This will be a theme today.)

The values we live by - Our dedication to brands isn’t just professional, it’s personal. — Sweetheart. Darling. Honey. The brands will never love you back.

Customer Obsessed - Our customers are the source of all value. We prioritize their needs ahead of anything else. — What am I doing right now? Looking very nervously at the Unsure if you're joining a cult or a company BJB entry, that's what.

Team Before Self - We build Fuel Cycle together, no one person or group is responsible for overall success. — I...don't get that from "Team Before Self," but okay.

Extreme Impact - We don’t do things just to do them. We do things to inspire brand evolution and progress. — Extreme impact...on the brands. That derive all value, everywhere. That sounds like extreme sycophantism, not impact.

Endless Curiosity - Our growth never ends. Our passion for discovery & learning is critical to development. — This just sounds like endless spying to me, but whatever.

Day in the life of a Fuel Cycler — I'd say that sounds miserable already, and I don't want to know any more, but it's okay. They don't actually explain this at all, so...we're saved?

There are companies that don’t take providing a healthy work-life balance seriously. That’s not how we live at Fuel Cycle. We offer free food — So you can stay at the office longer! How's that for work/life balance?

health insurance, retirement benefits, recharge days-the list goes on and on. — Okay, go on then. Oh, that's all? Just the bare minimum? Cool.

Also, we have 11 paid holidays a year with extra recharge days per quarter. If you want to meditate, workout, take a vacation or moment to breathe, all employees have opportunity to relax! The point is, this we all need time away, time to play, and a work environment that’s designed to make life more fulfilling. That’s what you’ll have here at Fuel Cycle. — ELEVEN WHOLE DAYS OFF? WOW! And absolutely no mention of PTO, but don't think about that! Think about the work environment that will make you wish desperately for home! Wait, no, don't think about that either.

A culture that drives change - We’re honored to be recognized for our culture where you can be who you are and surround yourself with passionate team members and top talent. — Oh boy, here we go.

Hold on to your butts, y'all. This one's a doozy.

I don't usually do this, but here's a choice selection from the actual reviews:

So this might be the first time that I'm not even going to look at the role. I'll include it like normal, just in case any of you are interested, but...I think the employees have done the rating for me.

Another one that was reader-submitted. Thanks!

Come build the search engine for human opinion. — I can literally go on any website right now and find someone's dumb opinion. You're reading my dumb opinion right now. Why are we doing this.

$9M Funding — The internet was a mistake.

From Terac's inception, we've been fascinated by a single idea: as agent-run companies emerge, they won't need employees, but they will still need people. Today, humans do most of the world's work with the help of AI. In a not so distant future, AI will do most work with the help of humans. Terac is the labor marketplace that will power this post-AGI future. — Please mercy-kill me before this future arrives, thanks.

What We Do Today: We are an expert network powering frontier research by building the infrastructure layer that makes human labor accessible on-demand. Companies integrate with us via API to access our wide array of research-grade experts. We handle recruitment, verification, screening, and payouts so our partners can focus on building their products. — 1) What the everloving fuck does this even mean, and 2) This is just nine raccoons in a trenchcoat like those guys at Builder.ai, isn't it?

Where We're Going: Over the course of human history, jobs have only become shorter and shorter term. In the stone age, you hunted or gathered your whole life. In the industrial era, you worked at one factory for 30 years. Now, on platforms like Uber, people take on dozens of micro-jobs per day. We believe this trend will continue and the need for AI-driven labor marketplaces will only grow. — I hate this so much, I don't have anything funny to say.

How We Work: We're building something that matters. These are the principles that guide us. — This is fucking exhausting. I might need that mercy killing a little sooner.

Their "values" are as boilerplate and shallow as you'd expect them to be, so I'm just skipping them.

Terac helps teams reach faster research breakthroughs through our marketplace of verified experts. We are building agents to recruit, verify, and match 10,000s experts with 100s of research opportunities. We work with leading enterprises and are backed by top investors. — Is this company even AI? WHAT DOES THIS FUCKING MEAN

We're looking for a founding operator to partner directly with the CEO to shape and scale the company’s core functions. You will work on the highest-priority problems in the company including managing customer relationships, building out the founding team, and ensuring nothing falls through the cracks. You're someone who thrives in ambiguity, has exceptional judgment, and can context-switch between strategic planning, tactical execution, and people operations. — I don't think they have any better idea of what Ops is supposed to do than they do about what their product actually is.

Coordinate the delivery of our highest-value projects. Work with the CEO to drive important business decisions. Oversee and orchestrate the work of 10,000s of experts on our platform — 🎶 One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong 🎶

Work with our team six days a week in our San Francisco headquarters — I'm sorry what

Background in consulting, finance, startups, or other operationally intense environments. — “You can be as clueless as us, it's fine." -- Terac, probably

Comp - In-office six days per week — Is this supposed to be a benefit? I-

This is just so very, deeply stupid. $9 million, guys.