06Apr26 Bad Job Bingo

We are all owners of Sona — Are you, though?

We choose speed - We embrace high intensity, accept increased risk for increased speed, and believe this pressure fuels quality delivery. That's how we achieve outsized results. — I'd love to know more about how they can recognize that increased speed comes with increased risk and yet think this also somehow begets quality.

It's a hugely exciting time to be joining the team as we're still small enough that you'll have a significant impact on the company's growth trajectory and culture, yet large enough to have a great structure, experienced leaders and world-class benefits in place. More on working at Sona here. — I do appreciate that they recognize the value that structure and experienced leadership bring to employees. Although it's funny that there's no link in that "More on..." bit. Not so much structure then. (Do we want to lay bets on whether they require attention to detail? I think maybe not, but we'll see!)

Sona's Customer team is one of the largest in the business - 40+ people across Implementation, Support, Success and Payroll — Mmm, honey, I don't think this is true, but go off.

but it has no dedicated operations function. This is a new hire, and the first of its kind at Sona. — That could be interesting!

You'll sit across all four customer-facing teams, building the operational backbone they need to scale: standardised processes, accurate reporting and data infrastructure, resource planning frameworks, and tooling ownership. You'll work directly with the VP Customer and team Directors to turn operational gaps into structured, repeatable ways of working. — Truly, this sounds like fun.

If you're energised by ambiguity, thrive on building structure where none exist, and want to have a measurable impact on how a high-growth team operates - this is the role. — This is a great way to describe both the positives and challenges of the role (notice no "fast-paced, dynamic" nonsense!). I approve!

Own and develop customer tooling, ensuring it's properly configured, adopted, and driving value — I assume they mean customer team tooling? I guess they could also mean customer-facing tooling, but that's an odd way to phrase either.

Drive change management across multiple teams, introducing new ways of working and building buy-in from senior stakeholders — This gives me a little pause, because ideally, the person doing this has a more senior title to facilitate that buy-in. It's very easy to dismiss a manager -- even a brilliant one -- at the Director and VP levels.

I think that's the only major qualm I have for this job; otherwise, it seems like a neat role, and the pay and benefits are appropriate (and no mention of attention to detail). Solid Eh, It's Probably Fine!

I'm going to preface this by saying that, although I'm going to give you my opinion (as I always do), I like to reiterate periodically that what I think about a company or its mission doesn't really matter. The only thing that matters is what you think of the company and its mission, and whether its values align with yours, and you don't need to explain or defend that to anyone but yourself.

So, having said that: I'm really, really torn on this company. On the one hand, we are born into a capitalist hellscape where our health largely depends on our skin color, our economic class, and our ability to purchase more time to live (but mostly work) from a system designed to ensure that we're always somehow in debt to it. If at any point that debt exceeds our purchasing power, the choice is to beg others to give us some of their purchasing power or, you know, die.

We could solve this by prioritizing our inalienable right to life and devoting our national resources to securing that right through universal healthcare, but I'm lolsobbing just writing that, so yeah. Instead, if AI must exist, isn't this the kind of thing it should be used for, even if using it to improve our health comes with its own environmental trade-offs and moral complexities?

On the other hand: it's fucking AI. Can we really trust anything it comes up with? And even if we could, should we be sinking literally billions of dollars into something that's not actually meant to enrich our lives, even in this context, but the bank accounts of the people who insist on building it instead of investing that money in real things that would impact real humans?

A real quandary. Let's play Bad Job Bingo, I'm sure that will solve everything.

Regardless of...all of that, Doctronic positions itself as "the first AI legally authorized to practice medicine," which already concerns me. As far as I can tell, this is not so much untrue as it is misleading. Doctronic's program was approved in late 2025 under a program in Utah that "can temporarily waive certain professional licensure and scope-of-practice laws to test innovative programs under close supervision." So I personally wouldn't consider it "legally authorized to practice medicine" so much as temporarily approved to test its capabilities in the healthcare space in 1 U.S. state out of 50.

This is an important distinction, and I don't love that they caved to easy marketing, knowing that people in vulnerable health are not going to stop to locate the FAQ page and then scroll 40 questions deep to check this information.

But let's check the job listing - maybe everything else is on the up and up.

We're looking for a Customer Success Manager to own customer satisfaction across Doctronic. You'll ensure patients, partners, and enterprise clients are getting value—and that we're hearing them when they're not. — I need to point out this framing: notice they don't say, "You'll ensure patients et al are being treated appropriately," or "You'll ensure that patients et al are not being harmed by our AI." It's: "You'll ensure patients et al are getting value" because they're concerned only with money and whether patients will come back to give them more of it.

Report on customer health trends to leadership, translating data into actionable insights. Advocate for customer needs in product planning and prioritization discussions. — Someone's health is not a product. That they're treating it like one is a big, big problem.

Again, aside from...all of that, I'm concerned that some of the job duties are misaligned with the title, and the pay is just okay for a hybrid role in NYC. I am...let's say disquieted by this company, but the job itself is at worst a Tread Carefully.

But truly, friends. Tread carefully with this one.

This one was reader-submitted, thanks!

Raide exists to elevate human-powered movement — As opposed to what, exactly?

We are one of the fastest-growing brands in outdoor sports by defying industry norms and holding an uncompromising bar across product, storytelling, and how we operate internally. — This isn't grossly self-aggrandizing at all, no way this could come back to embarrass them later!

You’ll report directly to the COO, who has 15+ years of operational leadership experience and is hands-on in mentorship and career development. — Friends, the way I laughed. Funny uh-oh, not funny ha-ha. Run! Run away from this egotistical, self-deceiving micromanager!

If you’ve been a CS supervisor or manager at a DTC or e-commerce brand and you’re looking for your next challenge at a company where your work actually matters, this is it. — Of course, because we all know that the only place your work matters is at an outdoor apparel and equipment company. Truly the pinnacle of humanity's work on Earth!

A self-starter who thrives in fast-moving environments where not everything is defined yet — Hey, a two-for-one!

Competitive salary ($60k–$85k depending on experience) — AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. For a CX manager role in COLORADO???

And of course, the actual benefits are listed last (after free gear, but honestly, that checks out).

Alright, let's check out the application, given their industry norm-defying, uncompromising bar for how they operate internally--

I was legit struggling with some secondhand embarrassment on this one. Definitely gonna call it a BINGO.

We're entrepreneurs, dreamers, and leaders from across both tech and insurance. We're here to shape the future of financial services for the world's most important industries. — It's an AI company. I know, you're shocked.

Shepherd's Careers page is pretty run-of-the-mill AI fare (although certainly not as obnoxious as some I've seen, so there's that).

The infrastructure behind the AI boom — data centers, semiconductor fabs, renewable energy assets — has to be built and insured. — Does it, though?

Sorry, sorry. Back to the job.

We are looking for a motivated and eager individual to join our Customer Experience team who is ready to create impactful customer experiences and do the best work of their career. — Not for those looking to create forgettable CX and do the shittiest work they've ever done! (Also, curious if there's going to be an attention to detail requirement after that sentence.)

As a Customer Experience Associate, you'll focus on Client Servicing — I really wish they'd have used a different term.

I'm not going to quote all of them here, but almost all of the responsibilities are too senior for this title. It sounds like they want someone who’s senior or even a lead, so I'm not at all sure why they've titled this the way they have.

You are extremely detail-oriented, organized, and concise — Bloviators in constant disarray should not apply! (Also, didn't I tell you?)

You are customer centric at core — Are they going to ask this person to also proofread their job descriptions?

You are adaptable and welcome new challenges. You have a strong work ethic, are self-motivated, and have the ability to manage multiple tasks/projects simultaneously in a fast-paced environment — This is like 5 red flags in two sentences.

🏖️ Unlimited PTO: Flexibility to take the time off, recharge, and perform — Good to know that Shepherd only provides PTO so that their monkey can dance faster!

Role/duty misalignment and poor culture signals; this is a pretty clear BINGO.

You know, I'm feeling a lot of gratitude today. Because every once in a while, I worry that I've used up all my funny, and then a job like this comes along and just writes my commentary for me. Thanks, Laminar!

We aren’t a company, we are a team - We only recruit the very best both in capability and personality. People who join us develop fast as a whole person in ways they never imagined. — How exactly are you measuring personalities, Laminar? Are you measuring people's heads? Is that what's happening here, you're bringing back fucking phrenology?

As if that isn't weird enough, David (the CEO and co-founder), apparently felt the need to write candidates a letter.

This is what you can expect to be part of when you join our team. A team of friends. People who know, like and trust each other, solving interesting challenges together. This sounds a bit different doesn’t it? — No, David, it doesn't. What the hell do you think is happening at other companies, a fight to the death in corporate coliseums?

I was always frustrated with the culture of companies I had worked in. I wanted to spend my days with people that I like and admire. People who are authentic and care about each other. — Dudes out here founding companies instead of going to therapy.

I also felt that I was never really able to make much difference in what I was doing. People were put into senior positions mainly because of their age rather than their capability. — Woo, buddy. Tell me you don't have a functioning People Ops team without telling me you don't have a functioning People Ops team.

I wanted to leverage the challenges in my work to grow to become a more fulfilled and impactful person. — Just go to therapy, David!

We exist to enable everyone in our team to flourish in a high-impact community that: — ‍

In our team, we are all different in many ways but we have three things in common; we are all kind and authentic with an innate need to improve ourselves and those around us. — Look, I'm just going to say it: It's not normal to want to change the people you work with. This is weird. This is really fucking weird.

We are compassionately candid with each other. That means we put “Kindness” before “Niceness”. Kindness is acting for the long term best interest of the other. Niceness is acting for the short term emotional feeling of the other. Sometimes you can be both nice and kind but in many situations you can't be both. You have to choose. We aren’t the type of friend who tells you what you want to hear. We tell you what you need to hear to grow in the long term and help you to contribute positively. — REALLY FUCKING WEIRD

Joining us isn’t just some “job”, it is a transformative educational experience. The people around you will challenge you to be your best self in all aspects of life. — David. Is this a cult, David. Tell the truth.

You will be encouraged to see the daily challenges you face whether it be an ambiguous problem or a challenging client as exercises which you use to strengthen yourself as an individual. Skills that you can then apply in all aspects of your life. — IS IT A CULT DAVID IS IT A CULTY CULTY CULT DAVID

Any role that you start with at Laminar is only as a starting point. Our fast growth means that there are many diverse and interesting challenges available. An our meritocratic principles allow you to guide yourself into whichever areas you are most interested in – we will enable it. You can even call me if you feel stuck. — how long is this fucking letter oh my god

“Isn’t this all too good to be true?” You might ask. — that is not the question I'm asking, David

My answer is both, yes and no. Yes, it is too good to be true in that we are new, this vision is not yet fully realised, there are many more things to do! But I would also answer No, it is not too good to be true as what we have done so far has already changed many people’s lives - those are their words not mine. I am frequently told by people that they were a bit sceptical before starting because it can all sound too good to be true. But that once joining, reality had far exceeded their expectations. So we must be doing something right. — YOU SURE ARE DOING SOMETHING, DAVID

I need you all to know that I wrote all of this before I watched the absolutely bonkers featured video on the Join Us page and now I'm just kind of staring in gaping disbelief

I was going to rate the Commercial Manager (which seems to be a CSM role), but you know what, this is too much for me if it's not a cult then it is at the very least just really fucking weird and I cannot, I'm gonna go take an aspirin goodnight